She told me that she was only going to draw from one hip because the Mayo Clinic called and thought that I may actually have Hodgkin's instead of Non-Hodgkin's. She was really hoping for Hodgkin's which scared me a little bit in case it wasn't. Mayo had to run a t-cell rearrangement before knowing for sure and she was told she would have results by Friday.
On the 20th, my husband and I met with Dr. Howard and we saw my PET scan which confirmed the areas of my armpit and neck and reaching down a little toward my breast. The lesions on my lungs did not light up so she didn't think they were cancer, but again they may just be too small to pick up on the scan. The bone marrow biopsy was negative which was a huge relief, but Mayo hadn't gotten back to her. She told me to see a dentist because chemo can affect your mouth. She wanted me to make sure my mouth was healthy so there would be no surprise infections. We small talked for a little bit to kill time, but then decided to go home. She called later that day to tell me that the results should be in my Monday.
I didn't put too much thought into it over the weekend. I didn't care. It sounds bad, but I was in the frame of mind that cancer is cancer and I'm not going to get my hopes up for a better cancer.
Saturday the 21st my parents, sister and brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and good friends Lisa and Brigitte came over while my grandma watched the girls and we did a big cleaning of the house. We hit every nook and cranny of our house in hopes to get rid of any and all germs and dust to that when my counts were low, I'd be less likely to get sick. It was hard work and I felt so blessed to have everyone helping us out.
Monday the 23rd came and Dr. Howard called me. I did have Hodgkin's and now that we knew exactly what we were dealing with, we could get started. She ordered a MUGA scan to check my heart function and a Pulmonary Function Test to check my lung function. I had these tests back to back on the 24th and then went home to brush my teeth before heading to the dentist.
My dental experience was a good one. The dental tech who cleaned my teeth had a lot of experience with cancer - her parents and her sister all went through it. She talked to me a lot about oral care during chemo as well as little tips that helped her family through chemo. She was very supportive and told me that I would get through it, but it would be the fight of my life. So I forgave her for tormenting my mouth.
My teeth and mouth were good and my tests were both normal so we set up my first chemo appointment for that Friday the 27th.
The night before I was quiet...thinking and trying to mentally prepare myself for the worst while praying for the best. I went to church and found great peace of mind there. Bryan and I talked about my feelings, fears, the kids. Here is a blog I posted on my Facebook and Myspace pages that sums it up what we talked about nicely:
"At this point in time, I am having a really hard time with all of this. I know that lymphoma is a very treatable cancer; sometimes even curable. I'm worried about the lesions on my lungs. I'm worried about how to talk to my kids. I'm worried that I'm going to miss a whole lot of their lives while I'm fighting the fight of my life. I'm worried about the financial ramifications. I'm worried that I don't have enough faith. I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to pull myself together to fight this fight. I'm worried that all that strength I once had is gone or not enough. My mind is all over the place and so I write. I write to get it out there into words. I write to vent. I write to make it real. I write to make myself feel better."
No comments:
Post a Comment