Fog

Yesterday I remembered suddenly, that I was supposed to take the twins to see their teacher on Friday...last Friday. I could use excuses like River being sick or Raine having a reaction to her shot; but when I'm really honest with myself I know that when I woke up Friday morning I had absolutely no idea that I was supposed to take them.

I've been trying to write things down on my calendar and I'm doing pretty good with that, but not very good with checking it every morning. I told Bryan I wanted sticky notes for Valentine's Day.

On Facebook, people have been posting a pic of them with their "sweetheart" and stating how long they've been together. In the spirit of Valentine's Day (which is a crock to me, but whatever), I posted a pic of Bryan and I and put how long we've been together. It's easy to figure out the numbers by dates. A friend posted that she can't believe it's been that long already. To be honest, I don't feel that way at all. When I think back to my wedding it seems like a different lifetime. It's like there's a river of fog between "now" and "then", but I can't figure out when exactly in time the fog lifts.

And even more honestly, I feel as tho Skye has fallen into that fog...or at least the early years when I built our strong bond. I find myself grasping at it, but it's just out of my reach. It's breaking my heart. I look at her and can't remember when she was a baby. I mean, I can remember it, but it seems so long ago and only key moments stick out in my head - ironically the same key moments that are caught on photograph.

The two ways I can explain my mind is this:

1-when I'm just looking back to the past: a river of fog - like a line separating "then" and "now", without knowing when exactly "then" ends and "now" begins.

2-trying to remember something specific: swimming downward in mud toward the memory.

I don't know at what point I should bring this up to my doctor. Everything I've read says that if you have problems after 6 months, some say a year. I'm definately going to bring it up at my March appointment...if I remember.