The Plan

So my ejection fraction in my heart is 52%. Anything above 50% is normal, BUT my on my original MUGA scan mine was 69%. She told me that it could've been because of the infection, but that it was too big of a drop to ignore. My options were:

1. Stick with the current ABVD cocktail, but get the "A" infused over a 72-hour period rather than all at once at the clinic.

2. Start a whole new cocktail called MOPP for the last three chemos. Included in this cocktail is the same thing as mustard gas used in WWII and it would make me sterile.

I opted to stick with the ABVD because I did not want to introduce all new drugs into my body this late in the game.

I will have to have a PICC line put into my left arm and go in for chemo as normal. Then I will go home with the med and they will go into my body over a 72-hour period. This pretty much eliminates any toxicity to the heart. After my next chemo, we will do another MUGA. She is also going to drop the "B" in the cocktail because this affects the lungs and she doesn't want to take any chances. This is the only drug she can drop without any thought, whereas the "A" is the key medication to curing Lymphoma.

I will have the PICC line put in Tuesday and have chemo right after. I'm not looking forward to the change in my schedule because now I will be needing more help during the week while I'm having my "sick days". Before this, Bryan would take off Friday and Monday and someone would take off Tuesday and that was it.

I'm also devastated that my last chemo will now be August 18th and our family camping trip is August 21-23. The trip is for my sister's birthday and it was going to be my family, my sister and her husband, my parents, and my Brit and her fiance'. The kids were really looking forward to going, as was I.

I'm sick and tired of the bullshit cancer ruining every little bit of joy I have in my life. It has stripped me of my entire summer, my confidence, my sanity at times. I hate it. I hate it more than anything I've ever hated and unlike anything I've ever hated, I can't just ignore it. It keeps sticking itself in my face, talking shit. This was supposed to be over already, but then the lung discovery. It was supposed to be over July 31st, but then the infection. Now the end has been pushed almost a month! Now I have to have another invasive line stuck into my body. I'm going to have to walk around with an IV for 3 days at home. I feel sick.