I spent all of yesterday taking my temperature and watching it go up and down between 97.6 and 99.8. This is just a low fever, but still a fever and still preventing me from continuing and finishing my chemo. I also feel really bad when my temp it up - dizzy, and just rotten. Today I haven't had any fever (yet) and I feel almost normal. I'm finding myself exhausted and I feel like sleeping is the best thing I can do for myself right now. I imagine my body healing itself; resetting itself while I sleep. I don't know if this is the case, but it's how I imagine it.
I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I don't want to stay here, but I don't want to go anywhere and risk getting sick again. I couldn't bear another hospital stay.
I still have no answers and it's starting to bother me. I understand it could've been a virus. I don't understand the reason for my going to see the pulmonologist again. I really don't want to see him. I don't trust him anymore. I just couldn't think of anyone else off the top of my head. On one hand, it would be good to see him since he knows my history and he typically is a good doctor. On the other hand, I'm going to have a very hard time trusting what he says. I'd like to grill him about his mistake, but I also have to work with the guy and if you know me at all I'm either too nice or very shitty - I have no in-between. My mom is coming with me, so that makes me feel better about it.
My being winded with every little movement has subsided for the most part, although I still feel a little tightness in my chest. I'm hoping this all clears up and I can have chemo on Friday - on Friday I'll be two weeks behind.
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