Snow Globes and Scars

I just drove home from work in a snow "storm" and it was so beautiful. I felt like I was inside of a snow globe. I actually had some pretty intense feelings about it. Just like with the Christmas lights, I felt as if I was watching the snow fall for the very first time. It made me sad that I hadn't appreciated it this much before and happy I was alive to experience it. As with most of my mood swings, the sad easily dominates the rest of my feelings and I find my self scanning my foggy mind for something better to focus on. I found myself wishing I had a bottle of wine and someone to walk with in this beauty.

I've been feeling agitated more and more lately as events are coming up on me fast and I'm having a hard time putting my attention on them. There's a bridal shower, the twins birthday, a bachelorette party, and a wedding (all of which I'm looking forward to). I can't remember what I'm supposed to do, if I did it, etc. I'm always distracted by something...look it's a unicorn!

And speaking of the wedding, I went to try on my dress and got a little choked up seeing a big ugly mediport scar sticking out. It may as well have been blinking "look at me". I hate it. It makes me want to wear a t-shirt under my dress. I'm thinking "Tits Houdini" is gone forever. As if I don't have enough body issues without adding all my cancer scars to the mix. I've pretty much overcome the one on my neck since it's tiny and scarves are in style right now. The armpit isn't that big of a deal since I don't usually walk around waving my arm in the air. But the chest - all mixed in with my pride and joy tattoo...having a hard time embracing that part of me.