Menstrual Ranting

Right now, I'm irate. I'm hormonal. I'm dealing. I'm sick of dealing. I'm expected to just go back to normal. I'm expected to be quiet, nice Sarah. I'm not that person anymore, at least I don't feel like I am. I don't feel very nice and I really don't feel very quiet. I'm trying to plan the twins birthday party and already there's a problem just with the date. I should have it this day instead or in the afternoon so so-and-so can come. So here it is, the honest to God truth. I don't give a shit who comes to the fucking party.

I remember last year on the day before their birthday I was called into the doctor's office to be told I probably have cancer. Did I whine about the birthday party? Did I cancel it? No, I stayed up pretty late, decorating cakes and cleaning. I put all of my all into the damn thing, as mother's do. I pretended there was nothing wrong so that my girls wouldn't associate their birthday to my getting sick, but I associate it that way. So forgive me for being overly emotional and extra crabby. Forgive me that for once you have to listen to me rant and rave rather than the other way around.

I am so sick and tired of everything. Tired of listening all the time and never talking. Tired of talking and never being listened to. Tired of my job. Tired of my house. Tired of my shoes. Tired of my hair. Tired of bending over backwards to please everyone and never feeling pleased. Tired of standing in a room full of people and feeling alone. I feel bitter and spiteful and full of anger and I just want to tell the whole world to fuck off right now.

And this is how I feel today. Tomorrow may be different, and by Monday I will probably have been able to push this all back down to wherever it came from. Back to the darker side of me.