New Worries

The other night, around 8pm my cell phone rang. It was a familiar number, but I couldn't place it so I answered it. It was my OB. He told me not to panic, that he just wanted to call me because there was a "question" on my pap test and that because of all the chemo I was on this year he wants to take a look at my cervix thru a microscope.

Half of me doesn't think it's a big deal. I just had a PET scan two weeks before that and it didn't show anything...or did it? I mean, they did miss my big green lung when they looked at my very first PET scan, why not miss a little ol' cervix? This leads me to the other half of me who is worried and pissed off and sick of this shit. I just started relaxing and not being such a paranoid android. I just started feeling more positive about my prospects on living for awhile. And of coarse, there's the matter of this happening pretty much around the same time as I found the mass in my neck next last year.

So I looked up my test results online. They said that I tested positive for high risk of HPV, but that no actual HPV was detected. This "question" could just be due to chemo causing cells to be abnormal or it could be more. At this point I'm trying to not even think about it. I mean, why bother? I'm going on February 1st to be violated some more.

After having two pregnancies, three kids, and cancer I think that pretty much everyone has seen my ass. I do believe that if someone offered to pay me to run around naked I would. Why not?