Well, my last cancer check came and went. I finally didn't feel the heavy weight of impending doom like normal. It made me wonder if I'm getting numb to it, like so many other things in my life. I have been upgraded to straight x-rays now, which is bittersweet. I hate that I have to be radiated so much, yet I prefer the accuarcy of the CT scan over the xray. Especially after having so many overlook the cancer in the first place on an xray. I'm pretty sure; however that nothing doctors do or don't do can surprise me now. In other news, there's more evidence that cancer survivors suffer from PTSD. Reading through the symptoms I'm pretty sure I have it...thus the previously mentioned numbness I spoke of. However, my lack of trust of doctors and my unwillingness to spend any amount of time searching for a competant counselor that I trust leaves me to deal with certain things on my own. So for now, I'll suffer through the numbness and surround myself with people and things that draw out extreme emotions and in between days, I feel, things will get back to normal. Sometimes I can feel my hard shell cracking. It just may take more time than someone who goes through extensive counseling.